First of all, what’s the point in pondering this? Yes, there may be some harsh reality like that at 5’2” and 135lbs you are definitely cute, but never going to be a fashion model, which you need to be aware of before dedicating yourself to the career path. Or, if you’re growing lonely and old waiting for a Johnny Depp look-alike for your first kiss, you may want to reevaluate your status.

Otherwise it’s a huge waste of brain wave energy. You are exactly who you think you are. I know, that’s so simple and storybook fable-y, yet so hard to wrap your head around sometimes. The negative version of this is, of course, if you think you’re more heinous than you are. But let’s not get into that whole depressing mess today.

Let’s assume you think you’re pretty hot, but every once in a while, (maybe after he doesn’t call when he said he would, or your cute jeans are a little too hard to button) you start to wonder if you’re delusional and actually are an unattractive loser people only hang with when they don’t have anyone else to do.

Since I know telling you “nonsense!” isn’t going to help (much), here’s what I can come up with to ease out of the funk:

-Buy a new lipstick. Preferably, go to the makeup counter in the department store and get them to try some colors on you. (I find the gay guys in the black polyester shirts to be the best.)

-Get dolled up and go to one of those dark alcoholics bars. Order a whiskey neat and anyone who can still get an erection will be in love. By shear numbers your esteem will get a boost. The whiskey might help too.

-See my earlier post on movie night here. A good movie helps that brain matter start mushing it’s particles together in a more productive manner. Same with a good book.

-Buy a size up. I’m terrible at this. I think I’m a small no matter what the cut, fabric or my current size. I won’t even try it on. Then I’ll cut the tags and wear it without even noticing it’s so tight it’s ruffling around the armpits and my stomach is sticking out the bottom. Until the pictures come out later and I’m like OMG! With looser clothes you look thinner than with tight clothes. It’s true.

-Date down. Haha. I kind of just wanted to type that phrase. But why not give that guy (or girl) a chance you normally wouldn’t? And anyway, maybe you’ll be surprised with what you find.

-For monogamous types, get your partner to take you on a date or, heck, take them. Then you can use your new lipstick and drapey dress.

-Get a blow out.  Jenny McCarthy even got a blow out before giving birth to look good for her first baby pictures. (Of course hours later she realized the futility of this). Gwyneth Paltrow says she doesn’t feel fully dressed until her hair’s blown out.

-Change! This can be our appearance like getting some highlights, or your surroundings or habits. Try a new happy hour place. Rearrange your furniture. Take a new class.

From California to Virginia, I’ve been hearing family and friends express their rainy day beauty blues. Days straight of rain can really get your mood down, especially if you look and feel like Cousin It after receiving a makeover from a quarterback.

Here are some of my favorite products and solutions for rainy day hair and makeup.

-Best waterproof mascara: Covergirl Lashblast in waterproof. I used this mascara for an underwater photo shoot and it didn’t run at all, even as the models swam and rubbed their eyes afterward. Clearly it’s not easy to remove, so keep in mind having a solid makeup remover.

-Use cream foundation or spot-cover with a creamy concealer. A liquid makeup will just rinse right off, while liquid can bead up and glide over a denser cream. If you have an at-home airbrush, that has the most waterproofing capability with either a silicone or alcohol base.

-Cream is better than powder or liquid for everything in the rain. If you have a cream blush, that’s great, or a touch of lipstick delicately blended into the apples is perfect. Even makeup great Aaron DeMay did that on a French Vogue shoot I had the honor of assisting him on. Actually, he instructed me to. We used bits of deep red on olive skin and it radiated beautifully. You want a moisture-rich lipstick for this. One of these ‘will last ’til the grave’ varieties will be too thick and dry to blend. Another tip, mix the lipstick with a little of your moisturizer to easily spread it around.

-My favorite waterproof eyeliner is Makeup Forever Aqua Eyes. A lot of waterproof liners are chalky and hard to use, but this one is the perfect smoothness with lasting effect.

-Wavy long hair in the rain: Work gel or styling cream through semi-damp hair. Twist the length of the hair and then twist the twisted hair into a bun, tying it in place with simple elastic. Keep it that way until it dries. If you get wet again in transit, use the hand dryer in the bathroom at work/school. When you take the bun out, your hair will be wavy and smooth. When you have to go back out in the rain, twist and twist again into the bun to preserve the waves.

-If you MUST have straight hair, lock it in with an alcohol-based hair spray and cover that with a silicone based de-frizzing serum or hair shine product like Victoria’s Secret Shine Mist. Use a small amount but work it from roots to ends.

-Go with it. Those of you with gorgeous ringlets should use a waterproof gel like Kerastase Gelee Aqua Proof (ignore the pompous name) and scrunch it up. Wavy hair looks super sexy with a few spritzes of Bumble and Bumble Surf Spray for a beachy look. (A budget tip: if you live near salt water fill up a spray bottle with it for the same effect.

Do it! Free yourself from the fear and judgment of the past 20 years. Here’s how to make it happen….even if you’re scared.

-Start with some mixed shades. A blue-green or grey-green is a great way to ease into the blues.

-Choose a shadow with a little shimmer. Matte tones (which I love) have more impact and less blend ability. Matte blue is better for the fashion-forward character, or a little crease enhancement.

-Keep the blue shadow on the lid. A slightly deeper tone in the crease could be a nice touch, but stay away from the brow bone with that blue!

-Or, stick to the crease. This is cute for olive tones where the color may be overwhelming on the lid, but bright and enhancing blended from the crease line.

-Blue liner is a super cute way to trend it up without a huge commitment to the look. Try adding the color to only the bottom or only the top for a fun look.

-If you have a lot of blue tones in your skin, maybe under your eyes or in visible veins, be sure to cover the blue in the skin. Also choose a blue eyeshadow color that isn’t similar to the tones in your skin. Enhancing faults definitely isn’t the aim of makeup.

As always, have fun!

As reported by BBC (where I turn for real news) Saturday, scientists announced findings in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) proving that Neanderthals used makeup. And probably not just geometric tribal tat type stuff, but also foundations and disco-glimmer reflective flecks.

Not only are the recipes complex, the Neanderthals were also apparently smart enough for this kind of symbolic thinking. The professor who led the study, Joao Zilhao, seems very excited that this finding is the ‘smoking gun’ that will finally ‘bury this view of Neanderthals as half-wits.’

So dames and wrenches, if you’re ever feeling your winged eyeliner or pink frost gloss is too vain or dumb, think again. It’s actually brilliant.

So Complex, A Caveman Can Do It

With chilly northers keeping temperatures below normal in many areas about the globe this week, and with the liver melt-downs from holiday extravaganzas, it’s difficult to keep from dry, itching, red, crackling skin.

Lately I have already been experimenting with using beauty oil, or facial cleansing oil, for face wash and figured this is a perfect time to share my results. There’s a ton of very expensive versions of this product from all kinds of shmancy lines that derive ingredients from far away places with ancient names and possibly involving black markets and indentured servitude. The ingredients of facial cleansing oil is just oils though, and while you can marvel at which are more ‘exotic’ or ‘rare’, I wondered if the little bottle available at the health food store in the range of $7.00 was comparable.

I tried Nude Facial Cleansing Oil ($36-52) for two weeks and Shiseido Ultimate Cleansing Oil for Face and Body ($25) for about a week. Then, with some time in between using Cetaphil, I’ve used JASON 5,000 I.U. Vitamin E Oil ($7 in store) for several weeks. The Jason product is not marketed as a ‘cleansing oil’ product, however the ingredients are extremely similar.

The outcome, I am please so say, is that expensive facial oils are not worth the money in my opinion. The Nude and Shiseido products were thinner consistency and thus slightly easier to rinse off, and the Nude did create a teeny bit of foam-like texture to help you feel as though you are actually washing. But other than that, I see no need for the additional cost. Contrary to logical reasoning, none of them clogged my pores. In fact, I actually have LESS clogged pores, less red tones and a smoother texture. I’m extremely happy and will continue using the JASON product.

Of course the brand recognition is nice, for those of us who feel better having fancy products and packaging surrounding them. But, for the actual effect of more even-toned, supple, healthy skin a good oil product from the health food store or local granola-rama is great.

A couple tips: Use a warm wash cloth to rinse for a mild exfoliant. If you’re skin is oily, use the oil as a moisturizer after washing at night for the healing benefits.