Two 11-year-old best friends sit together in a playroom. One says to the other, “You know what your jean jacket needs? Sparkle! Let’s Bedazzle it.” The girls spend that day, and many into the future, adding bits of sparkle and shine to pretty much anything it’ll stick to.

Fast forward 10 years and the same girls get in touch with their prepubescent selves by waxing every trace of hair from their private parts. Somehow this triggers a hormonal imbalance in the brain. They (separately) look at their freshly unveiled vaginas and think, “You know what this vagina needs? Sparkle!”

Not that I’m knocking it.  I want to be sparkly and pretty too. But personally I’m going to put off the experiment because I think it would be horribly inappropriate to push out a tiny human being covered in goo through a vajazzled vagina. What if some of the sparkles slid off and stuck to the baby? My child would be vajazzled.

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Completely Bare Spa made this trend popular with Swarovski crystals, but if you’re not in New York (or ready to drop $115 on the wax and shine combo) you can vajazzle yourself any time. It’s basically stick-on adornments that last for about 5 days placed on the upper vagina (sometimes referred to as the FUP) area. You can buy the crystals separately here, or go for another brand of stick-on bling. I would get the wax part done professionally just because of the difficulty in working with such an intricate, multi-faceted area.

On Pubic Pampering (that’s actually the name of the site) there’s a bunch of Indian themed self-adhesives that are way cooler than the Swarovski in my opinion.  Perhaps not as suited to, say, a bridal suite though…. You know what would be an awesome vajazzle? Teeth!

This is the most extensive vajazzle example I’ve seen:

Here’s a more typical vajazzle: