I kind of hate that I remember being a model at her age and also having all kinds of pre-programmed hearsay in my head from whoever I was currently trying to make sense of reality from. Not that it’s necessarily not true. What do I know? I’m just saying that unless she herself did some kind of nasty with the man himself, it wasn’t really cool of her to go around a fashion set proclaiming truths about. I know, I know! Isn’t that just the kind of slip we all so easily make?

Click to the next chapter and I’m spouting all kinds of criticisms on parenting. From some kind of nonsense that birth pain can be mitigated with relaxation tapes, to tantrums are caused by too much sugar and television. Yesterday I told my daughter that all I wanted to do was enrich her life by taking her to the fucking zoo, and that she was a spoiled brat, and that if she didn’t chill out I was going to have to explain to her what the trafficking industry was all about.

So as I relaxed and took inventory of the day’s wrongs, I thought of that model. I thought of her because we are so full of hot air! We never, ever know until we’re there, or past even. I’ve written that before, but it just never ends at that. And honestly, while I’m sure they exist, I have yet to meet a person who didn’t have some strong sentiments about something they couldn’t possibly have the perspective to truly grasp.

But hot air looks it’s best when blowing out of the hair dryer, with most other ventings just plain ugly. And all the night creams and lip plumpers in Henri Bendel can’t beat out that kind of ugly.  However, unlike dark eye circles, heavy lids, thin lips, and undefined cheekbones, that kind of ugly can magically disappear, and it’s never too late to try to figure out (or get a refresher on) how to use our magic fairy dust.

BZ basically bullied me into doing her hair after I told her I only do casual hair. The first thing she tells me at the trial is that she fired the last artist because he made her hair too flat. Interesting. Zilla-face has very thin hair that is quite long. She wants a snookie-esk bump with claw bangs, and tons of big, curled volume completed with a sparkly crown. The height of the bump is of upmost importance. Not casual and not easy. But I work it out and she’s happy enough to lay down a deposit for the big day. I’m not so crazy about the look, but it’s not my wedding. Plus she was amusing and interesting, so at this point I’m thinking alls swell.

Then there’s the phone calls. I love answering questions for my brides, but much of what she was saying was contradictory so it was frustrating. ‘I think I looked too tan in the trial. I looked Asian.’  I say that that’s no problem, an easy thing to do differently.  Next breath she says, ‘I was thinking about getting a spray tan. Would you be able to match the makeup?’ And on and on.

Wedding day The Mother is introduced to the scene. She comes storming in fuming about her hair. After that long tirade, she says she needs to fatten me up and sets a plate of cookies right smack in the middle of my workspace, actually on top of my stuff. The bride tells me that I need to eat them before we continue, or her mother will never shut up about it. Following the shortbread is screaming phone calls with the florist, whom she hangs up on several times, promising to ‘stop the check’.  She then says that as long as the photographer stays away from her she’ll be ok.

Time is short by the time we’re wrapping up. Zillina is super stoked about her makeup and pretty cool with her hair. She’d like more volume. I think about suggesting she stick her finger in the light socket, but instead set a few curls for her to release at the last minute. Then come in the savvy, stylish lesbian cousins. They say she looks like a cone head (kind of rightly so) and all mayhem breaks loose.  Clearly, this is my work, my doing, my fault. I quickly release all pins, tease the F out of it to try to get this evasive ‘volume’, and pin back a few sidepieces. It looks way better, and although the bride isn’t so sure, everyone agrees.

Despite the ‘zesty’ energy emitting from this family, there was a lesson here on being the expert. I should have provided more guidance for the hair in the beginning, trusting myself to either insist she have a professional hair stylist or lower the Snookie bump.  I should have used words like ‘elegant’ and ‘romantic’. Instead of just answering her questions, I should have offered assurances over the phone. Helped her relax a little.

Being an expert isn’t about just skills. It’s about helping and guiding your client to utilize the best of them.

Can you believe this is the shortened version?

It’s been hard to wrap my head around anything except the baby thing these past months…. or year. Hard like impossible. I don’t even judge anyone’s eyebrows anymore. I took the tweezers to my own for the first time in months and was like ‘Ow! This shit hurts.’ It’s a sad state when you can actually and deeply relate to the guests of ‘What Not To Wear’. Listen Stacy- There’s no reason NOT to wear sweat pants if the only place you’re going, for like the week, is Target.

The modern do-it-all work-mother-play sexy-time woman does not wear throw-up splattered sweat pants and a sad, greasy ponytail out of the house though. I tried. I made myself crazy ironing on two hours sleep in between pumping milk out of my breasts ad nauseam, corresponding with brides, and attempting any method to get my poor, sweet colicky baby to stop crying and sleep already. Literally crazy. Calling my mom and asking her to fly cross-country for the next day because I didn’t think I’d make it that long crazy. It was bad.

A few times I tried to rattle off a quick blog entry during a naptime, but things like paying bills, bathing, and uploading pictures to Facebook took precedence. Then it became a thing. A hovering thing. You know the hover. I ended up not making face. Not for myself, and for few others either. I’ve definitely thought I sucked, have not been exquisite any day, have rarely been properly pretty, and have not seen the humor in anything.  So there wasn’t much to blog about really.

But it’s been a year. And I’ve received so much positive encouragement, sometimes even bordering on demand in fact, that I get back to the blog , I’m starting to believe again. Believe that it’s not about doing it all; it’s about doing your all.  Whatever the hell that’s supposed to be, I’m not always sure, but I do know my all includes MakeFace. I’m no modern woman on the go, but except for a mild setback involving wine, scissors, and my bangs last week (I know, so cliché!), I think it’s about time I started making some face.

What do you need in your all?

Ps-My image below of motherhood as a sweet, dancing in the prairies and singing to the trees paradise is a total lie. This may be the one day I made face over the past year. (But my daughter is amazing and worth everything in the world to me.)

Emily is a rare bird. We waited tables together at a place called Galaxy Diner, a restaurant right next to Irving Plaza in NYC, and became good friends for a minute there. We were working together when she waited on one of her favorite authors of all time. She didn’t know it until he handed her his credit card with his name on it. You could tell the writer, whose name I can’t remember (sorry), was not use to cute blond waitresses gushing over him. Emily was always making people’s day like that. She’d have flowers with her for a friend who was in a play opening that night or some hand-crafted item for someone’s birthday. She was (and obviously is) a ridiculously hard worker. She worked at the Galaxy restaurant, an upscale furniture showroom in Soho, AND bartended at a Lower East Side bar. When I needed cash she’d hook me up with her jobs too. I cocktailed at the bar (I think it was called Sixes and Eights), and tended bar for her showroom’s party. For my birthday she gave me three amazing vintage clutches that I still use AND brought tons of booze over. What a gal.

I’m not sure how we lost touch, but I am pretty sure it was my fault. No one of her coolness level could be blamed for such a thing – plus I never gave her awesome clutches. But as I sit here, pissed at my cable company for inexplicably going out of service when the show aired last night, I am so freakin proud of Emily. To me she is a reminder, an inspiration if you will, that there is something to that being a good person thing. That if you stick to who you are, and give people kindnesses, and work hard at finding a way to love what you’re doing…. Amazing things can happen. Maybe not like getting your own TV show amazing, but things to make life even better. Good job winning Design Star, Emily. I’m totally going to watch your show and use as many of your design tips as my condo will accommodate.

Not the best pic, but here we are:

]]> http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-emily-henderson-wins-design-star-with-her-cute-karma/feed/ 0 http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-elemental-beauty/ http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-elemental-beauty/#comments Wed, 11 Aug 2010 13:40:41 +0000 Sally http://www.makefacebeauty.com/?p=698 Our smarty pants brains have built us an amazing world of skyscrapers, airplanes, sex tapes, and Targ-ette. This quick communication world filled with instant gratification is truly amazing, but sometimes sucks the spirit out of our pretty and leaves it a sticky facade of Orgasm blush and Addict lip gloss.

Keeping in touch with the basic elements of the planet keep us calmer, more grounded, and better able to radiate that beauty from within to be and look exactly how we want. Last night a summer storm rained down outside and the sound felt so nice. I slept the best I have in weeks and woke up ready to (happily) get some shit done.

Earth: Eat food that grew from it! Fresh foods filled with tasty nutrients grow happy, pretty people. Take some time to ride out of the city or take a stroll through your local forest every once and a while to tap into the smells and sounds of the Earth too.

Air: Take a couple minutes to learn to breath deep into the lungs. Put a hand on your tummy and practice inhaling and exhaling until your feel the rise and fall of the breath on your tummy, not your chest. Open a window once in a while and let the fresh air blow through those fluorescent-light grown fake plastic weeds in your brain. Chill at a park while feeling the breeze blow over your skin or ride a bike to feel the wind through your hair.

Water: Drink it. Soda and other bottled substances are just fine in moderation, but the majority of your hydration should come from water. Water is also such a calming element to enjoy, from taking a bath or swim to buying one of those trickle fountain things. Water is my favorite element and it’s kind of cheating, but I downloaded some of those creek, ocean, and rain sounds to listen to at night for when it’s not really raining.

Fire: Keeping in touch with the elements of the planet should light a fire under your ass to make you want to be the person you feel you were meant to be! But in addition to that, lighting a candle for dinner or sitting by the fire place in the winter are really nice ways to bring fire (safely) into your daily experience.

A great way to jam-pack all the elements into a weekend is to go camping this late summer or early fall. From beaches to mountainous creeks, there’s tons of camping locals all over the country for a quick, fun, cheap, and sometimes exciting mini-break.

Visions don’t have to just pop up in your head like some Basquiat explosion of schizophrenic creative genius. They can come to be in a process of self-discovery. When I worked in an office the proper attire came so unnaturally to me that I had to rip out fashion-forward ‘career girl’ pictures from magazines and tape them to my closet wall. I just don’t do business wear, so I’d end up looking like a sales associate at Victoria’s Secret. Borrowing a vision is better than no vision to get through a rough start.

Another trick is the uniform trick. Get one vibe down perfectly and sport it every day with minor variations. There is such thing as too much vision.

Lastly, complete the vision. Details have more importance than they sometimes get cred for.  The wrong makeup, shoes and bags, and even undies can throw a vision off. Be aware and have intention with what you choose. Don’t stress yourself out or anything, just be aware.

Not from The Onion, I swear. Supposedly reading an opposite point of view from yours helps work out your brain synapses in the same way as a crossword puzzle. So for the sake of fending off early dementia, I read through some posts. I scoff at the author’s, PeaceBang’s, criticism of a younger minister who she thinks dresses too sexy so therefore is insecure (cough, jealous!), as well as her dislike for a male’s facial hair to look like something out of a production of Fiddler On The Roof (If I were a Jewish Al Sharpton I’d totally call anti-semite on this one).  ‘Stupid Bible Thumpers,’ I’m thinking. ‘Always got their panties in a bunch over something stupid.’

Then, I see something. A photograph from a convention. I click the picture to full-size, and sure enough. The woman in the picture is wearing a massive chalice necklace. I look for confirmation and find it. This is a Unitarian Universalist Minister’s site! I was raised a UU and my mom’s family takes a lot of pride in their association with the church. My brother was president of his, my step dad was treasurer or something of his, and my mother is more than willing to drum up picket signs for a good equal rights march any day of the week. She’s even willing to travel to march.

Well, shit. It’s not as fun to make fun of your own. My pedestal is completely knocked out from under my ass. I was caught on the ugly, but luckily it’s morning so I don’t have to spend the whole day looking that bad. I’ve been reminded: Let People (And Their God) Be.

Although I still stand by my opinion that someone’s fashion choices are a ridiculous thing to harp on.

Rhiannon: Goddess of Horses by Julietee Frette

]]> http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-let-people-and-their-god-be/feed/ 0 http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-pretty-making-music/ http://www.makefacebeauty.com/getting-gorgeous-pretty-making-music/#comments Fri, 04 Jun 2010 13:30:58 +0000 Sally http://www.makefacebeauty.com/?p=558 Music makes life better. Music is momentum for every action and peace for every thought.  But, most importantly, music makes you prettier!

Something about certain tunes cause the lips to pucker, the shoulders to square into place, and the hair to fall poetically about the face. These tunes are different for everyone, and new ones are constantly popping up out of nowhere when you least expect them.

My current list of pretty-making music includes (but is not limited to!):

-She and Him

-Modest Mouse (Evidenced by the fact that I just pulled the album off the shelf to find a row of false eyelashes stuck to it.)

-Flaming Lips (Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots)

-Citizen Cope

-New Order + The Cure + Radiohead (I put these all together because for me the combo is a pretty-making musical eight ball, while each one on it’s own might cause me to journal about long-lost opportunities and a possibly salty future)

-Piano solos of every kind- Jazz, Classical, Pop, Rock, and all shades of pink

-Bat For Lashes

What gets your lashes batting?

But, while scientist speculate we may one day lose the pinky toe, nothing is said about dropping the fat storage. I suppose we’ll have to give up that hope and continue to ‘work’ on the fatty fatness.

You know how a lot of people can work from home now? Or how you can be both a mom and a career girl if you want? Or sext a guy for kicks but not actually hook up? Well, working on fat is like all of these concepts in that it’s not all or nothing. Dieting is dumb. Forget dieting because it is always always always temporary.

Think of it like booze. You may keep a bag of chips at your desk or a jar of candy, but you wouldn’t (although it would be fun) keep Southern Comfort and lime wedges laid out for passer-by. You may, however, hit up the Happy Hour on Friday and not consider yourself an alcoholic, right?

Same goes for exercise. Just move that ass throughout the day; it doesn’t have to be two hours with a personal trainer followed by a boiled chicken breast. The closest parking space, for example, is such a ridiculous concept when you think about it. Walk 40 feet more for crimmony’s sake and leave the close spots for the elderly/disabled. Stuff like that.

Healthy weight is a state of being, not a number, size, or diet plan. Eat shitty food* in moderation and move a little every day. Be confident that you can eat a slice of cake once a week and not be ‘off the wagon’, but know that if you eat one every day you’re not treating yourself well.

If you’re unable to eat/move in moderation, that will mean more fat. So it goes-totally not the end of success, sex or happiness. Just remember it isn’t the fault of the society, the fashion industry, or the opposite sex. Own it-don’t be a hater. Although, like everything else, you can probably pin it on your parents if you’re in desperate need of a fall guy.

*Shitty food products are high in calories, salt, and sugar while offering little nutritional content. Here’s a more in depth description.

Someone recently told me about having been called out on breaking a friend’s pal policies. She basically said she didn’t sign on the dotted line for said policies and the person sighting the grievances would have to deal. I’m biased because I haven’t been a big player in the BFF game since the teen days, but I think having ‘rules’ your friends must abide by in order to qualify as top-tier individuals totally makes you uglier.

I could see those kinds of conditions flying in the age of Anne of Green Gables or Little House on the Prairie, but not today. Tight-knit friend communities are…. Well kind of don’t exist anymore. Friend networks are much larger, spanning worldwide geographic locations, relating to particular situations like work or church and all stay connected through technology.

Peoples got stuff to do. That doesn’t mean anyone likes you any less. So chill out, and think about what you want to do instead of wasting your life feeling negative about someone else. You and your pal will catch up in a few, whether that’s days or months, and it’ll be a blast.

Necklace by In God We Trust