You don’t really want him or her back. Well maybe you’d consider it, but that’s not really the point. The point is to inspire that twinge of regret. The thought that maybe if they’d just invited you to the family reunion, or let you tie them up for once, everything could have been different….  And it totally works. People love to romanticize an old relationship.

There is nothing quite like a wistful look in the eye as they attempt at some casual affection, or a pause before parting like they want to say something more. Here are a few makeup tips sure to stir that self-esteem boosting regret revenge:

-First, don’t get any radical ideas like crazy big false eyelashes or silver liquid eyeliner. You don’t get extra points for creativity.

-Radiance and happiness are key factors. That means you don’t want your skin super matte. Try a tinted moisturizer and/or bronzers and blushes that have a tiny touch of shimmer. Tiny!

-Bring out the eyes because that’s where intimacy starts. Use contrasting colors. For tips look at previous posts Eye Makeup For Brown Eyes or  Eye Shadow For Gray Eyes . I don’t think I’ve done a post on green, so I’ll just tell you that you want reddish brown.

-Choose a more natural lip that’s not super dramatic or goopy and dripping with gloss. You want them to remember you for you, not for their secret fantasy of doing it with a hooker.  Although now that I think of it, there could be the potential there for a two-in-one result if that’s what you’re going for.

-If you have a few days lead, throw on some teeth whitening strips. A little refresher will add some spark to your smile. And you should smile a lot. Remember, confidence and happiness are amazing regret makers.

When consulting with clients I try my best to discreetly suggest that we stay within these age-appropriate makeup guidelines:

-No false eyelashes until at least age 16

-Unless you’re Oprah, heavy black eye makeup should be reconsidered every 5-10 years. Perhaps a navy or gray would be a nice transition?

-Slutty makeup cannot be pulled off past age 40. I don’t care how much botox or vodka Redbulls you’ve had; the truth is you like crap.

-The expiration on glitter is even younger. The 20’s are really the last opportunity to give the glitter lid its last hurrah. Explore the world of ‘shimmer’ instead.

-Dark lipstick, unless it’s some costumey teen thing, shouldn’t be worn until closer to 18. The upside is that it can be worn all the way to the grave.

-The older you get, the more warmth is lost in your skin tone. Bronzer may seem like a young girls’ thing, but I find a non-shimmery bronzer to be great to liven elderly clients up.

When we’re young, we want to look mature and sexy. When we’re old, we want to look young and sexy. The funny thing is that appropriately playing up exactly how you look now will be the sexiest.

These pics are great examples, although I’m not trying to hate on Pamela. Pamela’s cool. I just think she looks way better sanz the heavy makeup.

Gross:

Cute:

To really show that flag your respect and admiration, today is a great day for red lips. I’m sure you’ve heard of the mysterious ‘perfect red’ that exists for everyone? Well, it’s true. Red is a neutral color, as in it can fit into any color scheme. However, some are warmer (have more brown/orange) and some are cooler (have more blue). I’d like to define your perfect red as not only a color that complements your tones, but also as whatever you like best.

For some it’s obvious that they are cooler or warmer based on their skin, eye, and hair tones. If you have blond hair and blue eyes, you will go for a cool blue red. If you have olive skin and brown eyes, you will go for a warm red.  If your coloring isn’t as clear-cut, you’ll have to try on a few and look at what happens to your skin and eyes. Does your skin become a dull pale in comparison, or softly glow? Very dark skin can pull off either because of that gorgeous high-contrast of the skin color.

Here are some tips on applying red lips. Make sure your lips are exfoliated and hydrated before you start.

For a soft look: Use a lip brush and slowly apply the color starting from the inside and making your way to the edges.

For a precise look: Line the lips top and bottom with red lip liner. Fill in the lips with the liner. You can use this as your complete color, or add a lipstick over top. Use any tiny flat-edged brush to apply concealer along the outer rim of the lips.

Proper blotting: Take a tissue and place it over your lips, pressing a touch as though your lips are stamping the tissue. If you have excess product in your inside rim, open your mouth and close it on a touch of tissue.

Personally, I dig the matte vintage red, but a touch of gloss can sex up the look. Use a clear gloss on the center of the lower lip. Having a fully glossed red lip is a bit…. Messy.

Warm Red:

Cool Red:

No doubt, this is a seriously, heartbreakingly, f’ed up situation that represents a potential for a turning point in our society. Wait, we wanted oil…. But not this bad. Does anyone else kind of get a tiny feeling in their gut that we’re all a bunch of assholes? Like, if we’d known this was going to happen we totally would have worked something else out. BP sucks, regulators suck, and drivers suck. Well, shit.

But it’s not just the drivers. Petroleum is everywhere, so engrained in our lives that we don’t even know it. Especially in our beauty regimens, petroleum is in practically everything from lotion and shampoo to perfume and it’s packaging. Now is a great time to start switching over to products that don’t use the following petroleum-derived ingredients:

-Propylene Glycol

-Isopropyl Alcohol

-1, 4-Dioxane (C4H802)

-Parabens (Methyl, Propryl, Butyl)

-Paraffin

-Mineral Oil

-PVP/VA Copolymer

-Avoid the word ‘Fragrance’

-Petroleum Distillates

Check out the selection at your local ‘health’ store, or even Target has a stock now. There should be plenty of choices, although you may find that some of the products just don’t work as good as your toxic ones. The new book No More Dirty Looks: The Truth About Your Beauty Products, and the Ultimate Guide to Safe and Clean Cosmetics by Siobhan O’Connor and Alexandra Spunt is a great resource for product suggestions. They dedicated a year to finding the best natural products out there. For a bonus round, look for packaging that doesn’t involve petroleum like glass.

By replacing a product at a time as you run out, you can be on your way to a petroleum-free beauty routine. And not only will that help you reduce your petroleum consumption, but also the potential health risks that include all variety of scaryiness. Totally not worth it.

Easter for grown-ups doesn’t hold quite the same magic, but it’s still an occasion to spiffy up and don a happy face. It is a Christian holiday, so while the rules for any family gathering involving a large meat or soup dish still apply, they can be performed with a little more waspy flair. A touch of frosted pink lipstick, for example, is more than welcome on Easter. Curled hair is practically a must if you want to take it to the next level, even if it’s short. A light dusting of shimmer eye shadow finishes your Easter look. And, if you have some pearls they are the perfect accessories.

You know what I never understood? The ‘real’ hunts, like for real eggs. What are you supposed to do with all those eggs? Personally, I was too high on jellybeans for such child’s’ play.

Happy Easter!

Ancient Persians were among the first peoples, not long after the Egyptians, to use cosmetics with substances like kohl. After the Arab tribes conqured the region and converted it to Islam, the use was scaled back to only being prohibited if the purpose wasn’t to disguise or cause unruly desire. Other than that, it was good to go for a verrrryy long time. Currently Iran is the 3rd largest consumer of cosmetics in the Middle East.

Abu al-Qssum al-Zahrawi (or Abulcasis), a great Islamic scholar of his time (936-1013) and considered the father of modern surgery, dedicated an entire volume of his medical encyclopedia, Al-Tasrif, to cosmetics, which he called the “Medicine of Beauty”. One of his areas of expertise is listed on Wiki as ‘cosmetologist’.

Perhaps the newscasters are in fact causing unruly desire. Maybe it’s the very berry balm and fushia fun blusher that’s actually been causing the street riots. Otherwise I have to say, with all due respect, that I don’t get it.

ahmadinejad's makeover

Homecoming makeup should over-all be light, pretty and colorful. In general, I think the best look is to use dark eyeliner right along the lash line and optionally the inner lid (tear) line, focusing on the outer ¾ of the eye. Then use a shimmery shadow over the entire lid, the color depending on what you’re wearing and personal preference. Finish the look with a lip-gloss that’s easy to touch up as the night goes on.

Here are a few color suggestions based on the dress:

-If your dress is red (like my niece) choose a red tinted gloss like Stila’s Red Apple. Use a golden or copper shadow (Urban Decay has a great selection) with just a touch of black or brown eyeliner along the lash line.

-If your dress has 80’s inspired neon colors, it could be fun to choose one of the bright colors for your lids such as a bright blue or purple. With a neon colored or accented dress, a matte or shimmery choice will look great for the shadow. Max Factor has a lot of bright colors out right now. Choose a hot pink lip-gloss.

-If your dress is black, well then don’t you have all the options? A color-matching idea is to use a colored purse or shoes and match your shadow to that. Another is nail polish. If you’re going to go black all the way, try a metallic shade on the eyes for kicks. L’oreal’s HiP line has great metallic options.

-For colored dresses it’s fun to match the shadow color, but it doesn’t have to be the same shade. If the dress is dark pink for example the shadow can be light pink.

-Ditching the dance and going to a party instead? Start out with the makeup as suggested, but try and bring a pair of jeans and a tee in your over-night bag (you should have already made plans to crash at the party house).

It would really be a shame to ruin your homecoming makeup look by being involved with drinking and driving or unsafe sex. Both have unflattering results.

(or any family occasion involving a large meat or soup dish)

Aunt Minnie is going to ask if you’re a lesbian if you don’t wear enough makeup, and yet will ask if you have the AIDS if you wear too much. This is a delicate situation. I suggest going with the makeup version of ‘dressy casual’

-Line eyes with grey or brown, depending on what works best for you, smudging a little for a soft look.

-Add a brown shadow along your crease line and lash edge of lid.

-Brush a medium tone blush from the apple of the cheek up along the cheekbone.

-Use a berry or cinnamon tone lip, again depending on what works best for you, that’s not too matte.

-As you really should always, make sure your eyebrows are properly groomed.

And, voila, a well adjusted, capable and independent yet kind and charming individual you are. All family members will approve.

*Reader Submitted Suggestion: “i learned that if you goto a ‘jewish’ or heavily jewishy bridal shower or engagement party etc….an effective way to avoid the annoying questions from the yenta guests who mean well but are annoying is to skip the manicure or pedicure (or both) and they will be so upset by that, so in shock that they skip all those periphy questions…because they think something waaay bigger is wrong with you (poor girl cant even get her nails done ? a shanda)!!”

Now that pictures are constantly being uploaded to social networking, I’ve noticed that I think I’m better looking than I am. Without primping I’m actually far less attractive than when I blow dry and put lipstick on while all this time I kind of thought I was good to go without. So I’ve started primping a little more, not for my reality, but for my Facebook reality. It’s like this: you don’t care what you look like to throw back a couple beers with some close buds. However, you don’t really want your ex from 7 years ago, childhood friend, or long lost relative to see your greezy forehead and frizzies coming out of your ponytail while wearing your soccer shirt from 1998.

People sometimes think I know some secret to taking a good picture because of modeling, and while I think I was probably one of the most awkward models, I did learn some tips from stylists or photographers.

Makeup doesn’t show up as strong in a picture as in real life. Even the ‘natural’ look isn’t really natural on camera. It’s just nothing. I’m not talking about a fashion photo shoot or your wedding day or anything, but if you want to look good for pics when friends and non-friends alike are snapping and uploading away, add a little extra umph to your usual routine. Focus not on more products, but more of the product you’re already using. A little brighter on the blush for example.  This way you can keep it simple so you look good in reality and online. Especially if your on-line reality is more real than your tangible reality…..

Shine! I am so terrible with the shine. I’m like a reflector recently. Blotting papers, powder, or switching to a less greasy moisturizer are all ways to avoid this. The papers are easy because you can carry them around to use quick and easy without layering up makeup. I have one question, though, is it appropriate to blot in public, like at a dinner table? If you can blow your nose, why can’t you blot? And yet it seems so personal…..

To take a thinner picture, stand to the side (unless you have a huge pot belly of course), cross your legs (although I think this looks like you have to pee) or at least at a 45 degree angle. To give dimension to your waistline, throw a casual had at the narrowest part of your waist. Putting your hands on your hips can also make your shoulders look less rounded if you tend to slouch.  To take a taller picture, have the camera positioned lower than the usual eye-level and angled upward. Lean back a little if it’s not uncomfortable. In general, if you’re uncomfortable you probably look like it.  To look younger, use a bright flash, and/or hold a thin layer of white napkin over the flash to soften it. To have a more natural smile, laugh a little. Or rather, fake laugh a little. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Angles angles angles. If you have large features that can over-power a picture, one side of the face that’s obviously a-symmetrical, or just hate your big ass taking over the shot, turn at slight angles right, left up and down.

Sit up! That’s for you Mike. And for those of you who always look the same in every picture because you’ve decided that’s what works for you, please vary it up a little. I’m tired of looking at your same position in different outfits at different places.

It appears that, like toilet paper and tampons, there are base cosmetic needs that cannot and will not be denied. Most women believe makeup essential to their self-image and confidence, and that it even improves their control and stature in the work place. For sure, I’ve never seen Hillary without a full face.

What women have been doing differently is looking for more subtle color schemes, which I find interesting since bright colors, especially for the lips, are so fashionable these days. Are women then caring less if they’re fashionable in a recession? Seems that, while makeup usage doesn’t go anywhere, it at least wants to look a little more appropriate for the economic climate. Yay, makeup shopping!

For a great recession makeup face that is natural, but still has a little kick, here are some tips:

-If keeping neutral eyes, try a brighter blush to bring out color in the eyes and liven the face.

-Mix some pearlized shadows with the matte. Not literally mixing them together. Rather, put a light color with a bit of shimmer on the lid, but keep the crease matte.  This Bobby Brown palette has a good mix.

-If wanting a little evening drama, choose a deep, matte lip color and keep the rest of the face neutral. Still classy and simple, but sexy and a great way to channel a little of that vintage look. I like MAC Underworld for this.

-Pink pink pink. Pinkish shadow, pink blush, pink lips. Easy, subtle, and cute. You can try an all-in-one like Philosophy’s Supernatural palette for eyes, lips, and cheeks.

-Try a lip stain for subtle color that doesn’t have weight or texture on the lips like Covergirl’s Outlast Lipstain.

Here’s a chart depicting the vintage-inspired look with simple face and dark lips