Ah, the day all underground drunks are free to come out of their hovels and brazenly throw back a 12-pack in broad daylight. The day secret fatties are free to openly stuff their faces with copious meat products smooshed in potato rolls. Closet sluts don their favorite cleavage-enhancing tank tops while the nerds joyously strap–on their Tevas over pasty white skin. And a surprise Joan Cleaver can even bring her homemade party poppers. 

Nothing brings people together like celebrating their American freedoms.  Drinking firewater all day in the sun with a quick game of chicken fight in the pool before stuffing your face with junk food can really take the shayna out of your punim though. Here are a few tips for independent, as in DIY, remedies for post-weekend cures.

Sunburn: There’s nothing better than real aloe to sooth the burn and heal it fast if you ask me. Plus it’s an easy plant to care for while adding that ‘organic’ touch to your home. I cut a piece off and filet it, rubbing the goo all over the burn. It’s sold all over the place-Target, Home Depot, etc.

Fireworks Burn: Assuming that you didn’t actually maim a friend or have to use the phrase ‘stop, drop and roll’, try mustard to soothe a minor burn.

Chlorine Hair: For a quick moisture infusion use a mix of honey and olive oil for a leave-in treatment.

Dehydrated, ‘Stressed’ Skin: Yes, skin gets emotional too when it’s over-worked. Drink a ton of water and treat yourself to an oat, lemon, and honey mask. The oats will absorb ‘toxins’, the honey will moisturize and the lemon will kill bacteria. But you can’t use fake honey like the kind that comes in the bear. Get the raw, unfiltered honey… more expensive but has tons of anti-oxidants and stuff that the flavored sugar water crap doesn’t have.