Fat. Fatty McFatticus Fatterman. Glycerol and slimy acids insulating our bodies and providing ‘back up’ energy in case we somehow make it through all our carbohydrate calories. Clearly, fat was not intended for the modern, climate-controlled, desk-sitting, grocery-store-shopping woman.  When is evolution going to catch up and ditch the fat storage? Seriously Mother Nature, we don’t need it anymore.

But, while scientist speculate we may one day lose the pinky toe, nothing is said about dropping the fat storage. I suppose we’ll have to give up that hope and continue to ‘work’ on the fatty fatness.

You know how a lot of people can work from home now? Or how you can be both a mom and a career girl if you want? Or sext a guy for kicks but not actually hook up? Well, working on fat is like all of these concepts in that it’s not all or nothing. Dieting is dumb. Forget dieting because it is always always always temporary.

Think of it like booze. You may keep a bag of chips at your desk or a jar of candy, but you wouldn’t (although it would be fun) keep Southern Comfort and lime wedges laid out for passer-by. You may, however, hit up the Happy Hour on Friday and not consider yourself an alcoholic, right?

Same goes for exercise. Just move that ass throughout the day; it doesn’t have to be two hours with a personal trainer followed by a boiled chicken breast. The closest parking space, for example, is such a ridiculous concept when you think about it. Walk 40 feet more for crimmony’s sake and leave the close spots for the elderly/disabled. Stuff like that.

Healthy weight is a state of being, not a number, size, or diet plan. Eat shitty food* in moderation and move a little every day. Be confident that you can eat a slice of cake once a week and not be ‘off the wagon’, but know that if you eat one every day you’re not treating yourself well.

If you’re unable to eat/move in moderation, that will mean more fat. So it goes-totally not the end of success, sex or happiness. Just remember it isn’t the fault of the society, the fashion industry, or the opposite sex. Own it-don’t be a hater. Although, like everything else, you can probably pin it on your parents if you’re in desperate need of a fall guy.

*Shitty food products are high in calories, salt, and sugar while offering little nutritional content. Here’s a more in depth description.