I recently discovered I was kind of a bitch. I had no idea. My intentions were always good and I cannot say a time I wished ill will on someone. (I mean, without good reason) Having never prescribed to the normal ‘niceties’, however, I generally didn’t say all those fluffy things to others like ‘Can’t wait to see you!’.  I’m still struggling with it even when I really mean it.

One time during the college years my roommate and friend told me, “You’re really harsh sometimes. But it’s cool, I know it’s just you and you don’t mean it like that.” I honestly kind of took it as a compliment that we were so tight like that. But, in retrospect it should have been a solid heads-up.

I pretty much figure people don’t like me until they give me some indication that they do. Part of being oddly shy I guess. Anyway, I don’t think that helps with being perceived as a bitch either.

After almost loosing a very old friend last year I really got to thinking about learning to be nice. We were in a cycle of feeling insecure and defensive about our differences. At some point along the line we kind-of forgot how to be nice.

The learning process is not always easy, but the lightness it offers is seriously beautifying. A few key steps:

-Apologies! You’ll have more pride after for having done the harder thing.

-The little things. The ‘can’t wait to see you’ and ‘you’re awesome’ type comments are super duper. Throw it out there, most people like it.

-Smile. I worked this at dinner with new people the other night and I’m pretty sure they thought I was nice.

You’re probably like…. Sally, you are the last to know. This is like normal. But I feel like while I may be an exaggerated case, most people could stand to be a little nicer. And being nicer will make the burden lighter, the spirit higher, and the glow more gorgeous.