A couple of years ago a model on a Miami Beach set really wanted to let everyone know just how fancy pantsy she was. The form this took was to tell me, and whoever else cared to listen, about the crazy hip hop parties she’d had the privy to attend as an under-age model let loose in a city known for it’s lack of clothing and curfews. She particularly emphasized all the hooking-up amongst the models and rappers and such. At one point, the photographer interjected hopefully with, ‘But not Jay-Z!?’ The model widened her eyes and nodded ‘Ah-Hanh. Oooh yeah.’

I kind of hate that I remember being a model at her age and also having all kinds of pre-programmed hearsay in my head from whoever I was currently trying to make sense of reality from. Not that it’s necessarily not true. What do I know? I’m just saying that unless she herself did some kind of nasty with the man himself, it wasn’t really cool of her to go around a fashion set proclaiming truths about. I know, I know! Isn’t that just the kind of slip we all so easily make?

Click to the next chapter and I’m spouting all kinds of criticisms on parenting. From some kind of nonsense that birth pain can be mitigated with relaxation tapes, to tantrums are caused by too much sugar and television. Yesterday I told my daughter that all I wanted to do was enrich her life by taking her to the fucking zoo, and that she was a spoiled brat, and that if she didn’t chill out I was going to have to explain to her what the trafficking industry was all about.

So as I relaxed and took inventory of the day’s wrongs, I thought of that model. I thought of her because we are so full of hot air! We never, ever know until we’re there, or past even. I’ve written that before, but it just never ends at that. And honestly, while I’m sure they exist, I have yet to meet a person who didn’t have some strong sentiments about something they couldn’t possibly have the perspective to truly grasp.

But hot air looks it’s best when blowing out of the hair dryer, with most other ventings just plain ugly. And all the night creams and lip plumpers in Henri Bendel can’t beat out that kind of ugly.  However, unlike dark eye circles, heavy lids, thin lips, and undefined cheekbones, that kind of ugly can magically disappear, and it’s never too late to try to figure out (or get a refresher on) how to use our magic fairy dust.