Unless you try to play it off like you’re really a meth-crazed hooker, you’re seriously not going to fool anyone. As you desperately slip your mini-dressed ass into the deli at 8am on a Saturday morning for the biggest bottle of water you can get your chipped pink nail polish on, everyone knows you just did the nasty with someone you hardly know. Slut!

Such is the walk-o-shame. It is a right of passage; a sacred moment of independent womanhood marked by swollen feet shoved back into ungrateful stilettos and a defining decision of whether or not to put the undies back on. Some may see the person they leave in the morning again and again forever, and others may walk this walk so many times they have it down to a routine.

If you’re part of the latter camp, please let me know any walk-o-shame beauty tips I may have left out here. Of course, being prepared could be seen as being extra slutty, but I don’t think so. People pack extra underwear to go on vacation…why? Do they often soil themselves? Exactly. You never know.

-If you have a big enough bag, throw in a pair of flip-flops. These will come in handy on the way home regardless of what day or time. If it is morning, put the shoes in a shopping bag.

-Pack these items in your clutch or wristlet: Travel moisturizer, chap stick or lip gloss, comb, and concealer. Do wash your face or at least splash it and add the moisturizer in the morning before combing the bodily fluids out of your hair and dabbing concealer under your eyes. If you have a lipstick with you, you can tap your finger on it to get a touch of pink for your cheeks too. All together you should get some health, radiance, and dignity back into your look without carrying much.

-See if you can barrow or keep an old hoodie or jacket. You might be able to pull it off like a casual ensemble, especially if you have the flip-flops with you.

-Make sure your phone is fully charged before you go out. You might need to call a cab, or any assortment of services. The worst would be to look like a meth-crazed hooker AND have to ask a stranger to use their phone.

-And for inner beauty, be a feminist and throw a condom into the secret compartment of your bag too.

This chick’s almost there. It’s a great shot to show the importance of getting those heels in a bag. Knot that shirt in front and stow the heels (lose the weird chain belt thing too), and she’d be pretty straight.