I’ve been trying since my hell began two days ago to somehow relate bed bugs to beauty, but it just can’t be done. There’s nothing about vermin sucking your blood while you try to sleep with the lights on covered from head to toe in long johns and hat sprayed with rubbing alcohol. It’s decidedly not pretty.

So. Here are a few frequently asked questions…. These are questions from friends, readers, and pain killer addicts I eavesdrop on in the makeup aisle at Walgreens.

Q: What is the best over the counter acne product?

A: I hate this question because it’s a complicated situation that acne. Short answer: benzoyl peroxide, found in a multitude of products in various strengths. I find spot treating at night to be best. But if you’re having a serious acne problem I strongly suggest three things: 1. Keep your grubby hands off it 2. Do not scrub or use harsh products because this will make it worse. 3. Call a dermatologist. If you don’t have insurance hit them up for sample medicines-most likely they’ll have some.

Q: How to choose lip balm?

A: I find (and I’m a true connoisseur) that there’s nothing better then vitamin E for chapped lips, so look for a product based on that ingredient. Choose a more dry, waxy type if you plan to wear lipstick over it. Use something greasier if you plan to gloss or leave it. Something with sunblock is a great choice in general as well.

Q: What are the best makeup products to get at a drugstore?

A: I should, and at some point will, dedicate an entire entry to this. Mascara for sure. I know there are those of you out there who believe DiorShow changed your life. For the rest of us, there’s Lash Blast, Great Lash, or Voluminous. Any eyeliner in colors you’re not going to wear a lot like a violet or something are a good drug store purchase.  There’s some pretty good drugstore eyeliner in general.  Why waste your money for something you just want for a little fun?  Covergirl loose powder is really pretty good if you’re looking for a powder dusting to set your makeup. L’Oréal Color Juice lipgloss is very similar to Lancome ’s Juicy Tube gloss, and not just in packaging. The most important product to buy in a department or specialty store is foundation.  There’s a lot out there, but personally I love the very expensive Giorgio Armani line.

Q: Can you return makeup items to the drugstore?

A: Most of the time yes, even if you’ve opened the package. Just ask. You do not seem like a lame, broke looser and holding up the color next to your face into a 2-inch mirror isn’t the best way to judge a product. I totally returned hair scrunchies just the other day….

Q: Are drugstore hair products really that much worse than salon products?

A: Shampoo should always be a drugstore purchase. Conditioner you should spend a few more dollars on because that’s what’s going to affect your hair the most. Nowadays the drug and discount stores offer a lot of premium brands too. Target has the best selection of these products (ElNett, Bumble and Bumble), but they’re still expensive. In general L’oreal has great cheap products, particularly for color treated hair. I agree with Spendicity that their sulfate-free line Everpure works wonderfully, although curiously does not provide as much moisture as their regular product line.