Dumpette had gone out with this guy a few times and ended up staying over at his place one night for the first time. Having to leave earlier than her for work, he told her to feel free to let herself out when she was ready; the door would automatically lock behind her.

Alone in the apartment and getting ready to head out, she paused to give birth to a food baby. Ah! The toilet wouldn’t flush. She worked at trying to fix it for a while, but desperate not to leave this little crap cake present for her date to find, Dumpette grabbed a plastic grocery bag and scooped it up, planning to throw it out in the trash shoot. I don’t have information on what tool, if any, she used to do the scooping.

Putting the grocery bag on the kitchen counter for a moment, she wrote a quick note to the dude saying she had a great time. Dumpette then turned and happily walked out of the apartment, letting the door slam behind her. Doggy bag still chilling next to the sweet note of thanks. Shit!

The guy did call. She did not answer out of fear and mortification. He did not leave a message. Dumpette hopes never to run into him again.

While this story is most humiliating for Dumpette, it also a story that is sure to spread joy to those amongst her close set, and then friends of those friends…. and on and on. In fact, this story holds the kind of humor that could, if spread, cause a moment of world peace. And that makes Dumpette bomb-shell gorgeous in my book.

Feel free to comment on what you think must of gone through the guy’s mind when he came home that evening….

-Your car is broken into and your purse stolen while at the beach. Perhaps this is a good time to start afresh with a new identity? While you’re canceling your cards, consider having Countess or Madam added to your title on the new ones. When the police officer arrives be sure to let him know what kind of regal stock you come from. 

-The condom broke! Ah gheez, what a mess. After you’ve made plans to pick up the morning after pill, pick different attributes of yourselves that, if combined, would make a monstrous human being. Do this over a huge hot fudge sundae and include traits of ancestors like Great Uncle Jean’s infamous clubfoot.

-You’re having a one-on-one interview in a closed office and are forced to lay out a silent but deadly. How hilarious is this going to be when you tell your friends later? Smile as soon as you catch a whiff and don’t loose eye contact. Add a conspiratorial feeling to your look but continue on as the professional you are. 

-You’re making out with a dude (or chick, we’re open-minded here) for the first time and they go for second. The two-cups worth of added size in your bra padding is about to be discovered! Now, this is a situation that can only be humorous if the mood isn’t broken and that’s a tricky buggeroo. In that type of quandary, I suggest taking the bull by its horns.. so to speak. Take the bra off yourself and add a self-caress over the studs while making a comment like ‘they’re actually really little’. Soooo saucy! And it’ll be so silly that you’ll have to laugh at yourself after for being so ridiculous.  The other party in question will undoubtedly giggle with you and assure you they do not care, because of course they want to keep making out. If it ends up working out between the two of you, you can laugh together later about your Helen of Troy bodice. The same strategy can be applied to girdle-like body-shapers, granny panties, etc. 

-Your electricity is shut off just as you have company coming from out of town and it’s winter. Ha! Well, aren’t you fun and bohemian? Run an extension cord from the neighbor for necessities like the hair dyer and turn it into a camping theme. If they don’t like it, they’re not really your friends anyway so there’s no need to waste a marshmallow stick on them.

So I’m sure you’ve get the just of it. If you’re looking to get a laugh out of life…..well damn your hot! 

Email me at Sally@makefacebeauty.com with any stories that you’d like to share where seeing the humor really got you through a tough situation. 

I was thinking to myself, ‘What is this all about?’. Then she mentioned she had seen pictures of J.Lo. in a rag mag without makeup. Apparently she saw herself in this photo, bags and all, and truly thought that she too could look as seamless as J.Lo. with the proper makeup. Whether this happened seemed about to make or break her entire existence. Except for her skewed perception and J.Lo.’s obviously more intense and expensive upkeep, what exactly made this qualify as expecting a miracle to me?

As I attempted to show her practical application and color theory, and all she could do was continue to pick apart her face with self-depreciation, I realized the answer was that this was one wound up bitch. The difference between Bride X and J.Lo. is that I’m sure Jenny from the block doesn’t get up every morning and cry over her cellulite, obsess over a new pimple crop, and wring her hands at whether to get cheese on her sandwich at lunch. She would never have become the success she is wasting all her energy like that.

How did Bride X get to that point and how could she get over it and move on to being happy and excited about her wedding? Makeup is fun and very helpful to appearance, but it can’t do jack all if you’re all worked up about how much you suck.

So that is my inspiration/introduction to the category. Here I will post suggestions to help you get over yourself already and start living a more gorgeous life. Stop thinking you suck already, it’s making you kind of ugly.

 (PS-If all this J.Lo. talk has made you want to try her style, a good tutorial on J.Lo. eyes is here MakeupMondo )

What is MakeFace?

Beauty is too pretty sometimes, even for a professional makeup artist. Such pretty pictures and pretty people that make my head feel a little empty and far away as I gaze at them. Fuzzy soft light and coy smiling faces that glow. Not that I don’t love the pretty people, I do, and sometimes even fancy myself one. And I so enjoy being a part of making those pretty people pictures; it’s the best job!

The fashion and beauty world is rooted in a wonderful blend of art and commerce. But I have found the books, magazines, and other media to be so very pretty and serious in a way that, while attractive, doesn’t always translate well to life.  A little too cool for school. Beauty is funny and exciting and experimental, but should never be very serious even at it’s prettiest.

I’ve never met a female who wasn’t interested in making face. I think it’s pretty safe to say that even those who think beauty is lame and vain put concealer over their zits and cry over a hair disaster. I hope these chicks read my blog so they learn how to do beauty stuff they may not have the patience to read an Allure article about.

I’m definitely not too cool for school, and I have the house everyone hangs out at because the parents are never home (or did, now I’m old).  I hope my beauty blog is the industry’s version of that house to you.

I heard Jordan Catalano might stop by later.  I’m wearing matching undies just in case.

PS-Sometimes I like to say really super blunt, mean things because it humors me. So I don’t mean it; I hardly ever mean anything at all.